“New Book Explores Keys to Conflict Resolution”

(Book review published online in Door County Compass on April 29, 2004)

(1,019 Words)

It was the afternoon of March 27^th when Gail came home with a shopping bag, and Glen, her husband, greeted her coolly… They often argued over money; matters as seemingly trivial as whether to buy ground beef or ground chuck could lead to a shouting match. “He’s just a greedy, selfish man,” Gail sometimes told her friends after one of their bouts. “She just goes through money without a care in the world,” Glen told his friends when the topic of their wives’ spending habits arose. However, is the situation just that simple?

With the air of a best-selling novel, the passage quoted above illustrates only one of the many real-life, everyday examples salted throughout this newly released self-help book. The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict: Understanding Emotions and Power Struggles, written by Steven W. Sharp, my dear friend and writing mentor, and Dr. Erik Fisher, a licensed psychologist from Georgia, explores the subtle relationships between conflicts, emotion, and our personal sense of power.

There is no denying that we all experience conflicts that may generate powerful feelings that we may not know how to control or even understand. Power struggles cause most conflicts and, whether we realize it or not, they exist not only between us, but also within us. According to Dr. Fisher, the important thing for the reader to grasp, however, is that “the existence of all emotions in humans is universal; it is what we do with the emotions that makes us different.” What role does emotion play in our conflicts, and where can we learn to temper our reactions to these conflicts in more productive ways?

Right from the beginning, Fisher and Sharp establish the relationship between power and emotions by defining power as a range of emotions that changes, with each conflict we encounter. Our moods often influence the outcome of a conflict, so, the better we understand our feelings and how to control them, the less chance we may harm our self-esteem or damage important relationships.

The book details how our reactions to conflicts cause us to adopt certain roles that affect our personal power: Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer, and/or Instigator. As Sharp explained, “The roles we assume during a conflict are dynamic. The roles shift as we try different approaches to rally our position in a conflict.” This means we may assume several roles, even during one confrontation.

The power structures we align ourselves with also affect our personal power and determine the roles we play. Most of us exist under “pecking orders” called hierarchies, which encourage competition between members of social and professional groups, such as governments or families. The competitive nature of these hierarchies often leads to greater damage to our self-esteem, when we encounter failure.

Under the equity system, however, we understand that we each hold equal value; therefore, failure is neither right nor wrong, but “merely an emotion that tells us it is time to learn.” Fear of failure often prevents us from attempting to learn new things, and it has been a personal demon of mine for much of my life. Now, I understand that failure need not feel so threatening, and that we each possess the ability to feel however we want to feel about our endeavors and ourselves.

A few years ago, Steve suggested I read this manuscript, during a tumultuous time in my life. It felt so soothing—being prone to emotional reactions, as I was, it comforted me to know that I had the right to feel whatever emotion overcame me. Yet, if I stopped to analyze what I felt and why I felt this way, it often diffused the severity of the situation and allowed me to react in a more positive way. The success I gained from finally beginning to master my emotions has led to a greater understanding of self and more confidence than I used to have.

Though I don’t normally choose self-help or psychology books for my library, this book is unique. I really enjoyed Sharp’s sprinkling of effective, clear-cut examples throughout the text, and his confident tone enhances the book’s well-written style in a manner that is interesting and easily understood. Coupled with simple illustrations, exercises, and down-to-earth language, the book guides the reader toward a better understanding of power, emotions, and conflict. Helpful questions appear at the end of each chapter, as an added bonus, which serve as a personal inventory for the reader to identify with each lesson.

Sharp and Fisher each project over a decade of experience in their respective fields of writing and psychology that make this book a joy to read. With Sharp’s flair for the written word and Fisher’s bold theories and extensive clinical knowledge, this book will benefit not only the average reader, but also professionals in mental healthcare fields.

The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict is available through Book World in Sturgeon Bay and Passtimes Books in Sister Bay, as well as in online bookstores, such as Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Books-A-Million.

Since earning his doctorate degree in Psychology from University of South Florida in 1994, Dr. Fisher obtained his license to practice clinical psychology from the state of Georgia, and has maintained a successful practice in Atlanta for the past ten years. He and his wife, Christina, are active in community service and volunteer their time and efforts toward assisting the less fortunate in their area. In his personal life, Dr. Fisher enjoys traveling, roller blading, and playing with his dogs.

Steven Sharp is a 37-year-old native and lifelong resident of Huntsville, Alabama.  He is a freelance writer with over sixteen years of experience in writing and publishing non-fictional articles.  Steve and his co-author Dr. Erik Fisher, authors of The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict are currently working on a book dealing with positive parenting.  Steve is also co-authoring a book that chronicles the injuries, treatment, and recovery of Marianne Robards, who sustained a head injury on a roller coaster at Six Flags over Texas, and is now permanently disabled. Besides writing, Steve enjoys spending time with his wife, Samantha, and their four cats and two dogs.